Poem
Parts of this account have been fictionalized due to the author's lack of knowledge of certain intimate details. SU/MH trigs, graphic, etc.
Untitled
For C
Once upon a time, there was a little girl who loved everyone.
She grew up running barefoot on the grass,
lifting her face up to the sun and climbing trees to get closer to that glorious blue sky.
If her mother was going to squish a bug, the girl caught it and set it free, because she believed
even the smallest life is worth something.
She was good, and all the world loved her back.
As she got older, little fires began to spark inside her.
She was passionate about animals, especially her dogs.
She began drawing, painting, taking photographs.
She traveled to Thailand and Haiti to work in orphanages and share her love of art.
She decided to become a teacher.
After a while, the young woman got married and moved back home to stay with her mother after her parents' divorce.
She got a job teaching art. IN the summers she went camping and hiking and ran a half-marathon.
Everyone loved her, and she - she still loved everyone. Like a fairy, growing flowers in her palms and vines in her hair,
she almost seemed to float through life.
Of course, she had her share of problems, but she had her God and her family and four dogs who she adored,
and she always found her way back to herself.
Then one day, the young woman got sick.
Not with something that wanted her body, but something that wanted her mind.
When she started telling her husband that people were following her, he took her to a doctor, who handed back
a diagnosis and a bottle of polls.
Schizoaffective disorder. Mania. Paranoid delusions. Take two antipsychotics at bedtime and call me in a month.
As she walked back into the sunshine, her husband beside her,
the young woman decided that she was going to get her life back.
Her God, her family, her own determination - they hadn't failed her yet.
But this illness was a different beast, and the young woman, strong as she was,
had never grown claws.
It started eating her - first nibbling gently at her toes as she taught, taunting her with shadows in the corners and distant silhouettes that she could never quite make out.
But within weeks it was up to her knees; she saw the people chasing her but she couldn't run.
She took a leave of absence.
Agreed to go to the hospital.
But the disease had already spread through all her bones, and her head rang with the words:
"The only one we want is you."
Nurses sedated her, but she forced herself to sit up, to fight it, scratching at her arms and banging her -head to keep herself awake -
they were coming, and she had to be ready.
"We want you, but we will kill them if we have to."
More medications followed. Doctors explained that the people following the young woman were not real.
It took months, but finally she understood -
she was alone. No one was ever going to believe her. No one was going to help her -
she had to save herself on her own. So she stopped fighting. She took her meds. Said she didn't hear the voices anymore, that she knew the men chasing here were just a trick of her own mind.
She filled out a safety plan. And she got to go home.
The young woman's family was relieved.
Although there was a new sadness in her eyes, she seemed to be getting back to her normal self.
Maybe they stopped watching her as closely as they should have. Maybe they thought
she was really okay this time. But, somehow,
she got a gun. The woman who had never so much as killed a spider was ready to defend her family with violence.
But the men were smart.
When she knew they were outside the house, they hid where her mother and husband couldn't see them.
They put listening devices in her room while she slept.
If the young woman went to town, they were always just behind, around a corner,
but she would see that small red dot in the center of her husband's back, so she stayed silent.
Shen she was alone, the cacophony in her head was deafening. "Turn yourself in or everyone dies."
"Where?" she would scream. But they never answered.
And then, finally, the young woman knew what she had to do.
She locked the door.
She took out her gun.
And she made the ultimate sacrifice.
The young woman, who as 34, saved the lives of five people with her organs. Although she did not want to die, she made the choice that she believed would save her family.
Selflessness, bravery, love -
this is her legacy.
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.
Untitled
For C
Once upon a time, there was a little girl who loved everyone.
She grew up running barefoot on the grass,
lifting her face up to the sun and climbing trees to get closer to that glorious blue sky.
If her mother was going to squish a bug, the girl caught it and set it free, because she believed
even the smallest life is worth something.
She was good, and all the world loved her back.
As she got older, little fires began to spark inside her.
She was passionate about animals, especially her dogs.
She began drawing, painting, taking photographs.
She traveled to Thailand and Haiti to work in orphanages and share her love of art.
She decided to become a teacher.
After a while, the young woman got married and moved back home to stay with her mother after her parents' divorce.
She got a job teaching art. IN the summers she went camping and hiking and ran a half-marathon.
Everyone loved her, and she - she still loved everyone. Like a fairy, growing flowers in her palms and vines in her hair,
she almost seemed to float through life.
Of course, she had her share of problems, but she had her God and her family and four dogs who she adored,
and she always found her way back to herself.
Then one day, the young woman got sick.
Not with something that wanted her body, but something that wanted her mind.
When she started telling her husband that people were following her, he took her to a doctor, who handed back
a diagnosis and a bottle of polls.
Schizoaffective disorder. Mania. Paranoid delusions. Take two antipsychotics at bedtime and call me in a month.
As she walked back into the sunshine, her husband beside her,
the young woman decided that she was going to get her life back.
Her God, her family, her own determination - they hadn't failed her yet.
But this illness was a different beast, and the young woman, strong as she was,
had never grown claws.
It started eating her - first nibbling gently at her toes as she taught, taunting her with shadows in the corners and distant silhouettes that she could never quite make out.
But within weeks it was up to her knees; she saw the people chasing her but she couldn't run.
She took a leave of absence.
Agreed to go to the hospital.
But the disease had already spread through all her bones, and her head rang with the words:
"The only one we want is you."
Nurses sedated her, but she forced herself to sit up, to fight it, scratching at her arms and banging her -head to keep herself awake -
they were coming, and she had to be ready.
"We want you, but we will kill them if we have to."
More medications followed. Doctors explained that the people following the young woman were not real.
It took months, but finally she understood -
she was alone. No one was ever going to believe her. No one was going to help her -
she had to save herself on her own. So she stopped fighting. She took her meds. Said she didn't hear the voices anymore, that she knew the men chasing here were just a trick of her own mind.
She filled out a safety plan. And she got to go home.
The young woman's family was relieved.
Although there was a new sadness in her eyes, she seemed to be getting back to her normal self.
Maybe they stopped watching her as closely as they should have. Maybe they thought
she was really okay this time. But, somehow,
she got a gun. The woman who had never so much as killed a spider was ready to defend her family with violence.
But the men were smart.
When she knew they were outside the house, they hid where her mother and husband couldn't see them.
They put listening devices in her room while she slept.
If the young woman went to town, they were always just behind, around a corner,
but she would see that small red dot in the center of her husband's back, so she stayed silent.
Shen she was alone, the cacophony in her head was deafening. "Turn yourself in or everyone dies."
"Where?" she would scream. But they never answered.
And then, finally, the young woman knew what she had to do.
She locked the door.
She took out her gun.
And she made the ultimate sacrifice.
The young woman, who as 34, saved the lives of five people with her organs. Although she did not want to die, she made the choice that she believed would save her family.
Selflessness, bravery, love -
this is her legacy.
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.
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