Help, I Have Anxiety

So here you are!  Welcome!

Feeling anxious is perfectly normal.  But when that anxiety starts to spread and manifest and mess up your life, there are things you can do to lessen its grip on you.  Here are a couple of ways to start:

Minimize Stressors

A stressor is (dun dun DUNNN) something that causes you stress.  There are external stressors and internal stressors.  The internal ones are mostly based on your personality, life experience, and your various psychiatric disorders.  External stressors come from your environment, and one of the first things you want to do when you're experiencing a lot of anxiety is get rid of as many external stressors as you can.

An example from my life has to do with my phone phobia.  I'm fine talking to friends on the phone, but I absolutely hate talking to strangers.  Getting new voice mails used to cause me so much stress and I would ignore them for weeks, which ultimately caused some problems (the landlady only gives you so many chances to call back).  I identified this problem a long time ago, but over the years exposure hasn't made it any better, so recently I installed this program on my phone that transcribes my voice mails into text.  Poof!  Anxiety gone.  Another example: I'm living at home with my parents, who have hearing loss.  I'm very sensitive to noise, so I invested in a good pair of noise-canceling headphones that I wear basically all the time.  It may seem small, but every little stressor that you can erase to your life will lessen your overall anxiety.

Some changes take a little more time.  A lot of us, especially women and especially activists, tend to take on more than we can handle.  We want to help, we want to make lives better, we want to be making a difference.  This is advice you will hear everywhere: Learn how to say "No" (or "I can't right now" or "I'm so sorry, I have plans" or "Let me think about it and get back to you").  When you start feeling overwhelmed and stressed, look at what activities in your life bring you joy and which ones don't.  It's okay to step back and say "This activity no longer brings me joy and therefore I no longer need to do it."  (This is called self-care.)

Now, unless you are very lucky and/or irresponsible, you won't be able to get rid of all your stressors.  You still have to do things like go to work and buy groceries and bathe your children.  But if you take the extra things out of your life that aren't making it better, it will be easier to focus on the things that demand your attention.  And you may even find that, once you're more aware of your stressors, you can find ways to make your everyday chores less stressful as well (organize your work tasks better, grocery shop online, just give up, they're going to be dirty again tomorrow anyway).

Use Grounding Techniques

One really great way to get yourself out of acute anxiety is to use a technique known as "grounding".  Grounding works by moving your focus from your thoughts and emotions to the physical world around you, which can then help you to calm down.  A lot of anxiety manifests physically - rapid breathing, increased heart-rate, sweating - and when you can control your physical being, your mental being often follows.

Googling "grounding techniques" can help you decide where to start, but here are a few of my favorite things to do:

Hold ice or run cold water over your wrists

54321 Method (Name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste or 1 deep breath - do it out loud and as in as much detail as possible until it becomes natural)

Use a lavender or peppermint canister (cotton ball, essential oil, and a medicine bottle)

Clench and then release every muscle in your body, starting at the top of your head and moving all the way down through your toes

Breathe!

Once you find a technique that helps, practice, practice, practice.  The more often you use a particular grounding technique, the quicker it will work - it becomes a conditioned response.  Your body smells lavender, it chills the fuck out.  Ta-daa.

Create A Calm Environment

Along with removing stressors, you can manipulate your environment to reduce anxiety.  Here's one really simple way - clean.  Yes I know it's sucky and horrible, but I can almost guarantee you will feel calmer in a simpler space.

What do you gravitate to when you feel anxious?  Whatever it is, stock up on your comfort items and have them readily available.  I need chocolate, comfy blankets, and cartoons.  I have friends who use fancy bath bombs or complicated nail art to regulate mood.  There's a good chance there's something you already do that reduces anxiety.  Recognizing that and keeping it accessible will help when everything else feels out of control.

This also goes along with grounding.  What can you do to calm each of the senses?  Turn down the lights, wrap up in something comfy, eat your favorite food, light a candle, and listen to this song:

Ahh.  Relaxed.

Anxiety is tough and we definitely can't completely control it, but if you start with these three steps you should be able to get some of the extra junk out of your life and leave more time for what's important.